Tub o’ lard

To cope up with the ever increasing speed and agility of my 2 year old son, I decided to enroll at a nearby gym.  It may not be obvious but I'm not new to this game.  I used to lift weights (although inconsistently) before and after I was married.  After Lean was born I stopped going to the gym but I still played some sports.  One of the exercises I still do is chasing my son around and of course some other stuff that I won't mention in this post…So, anyways, after all thats been lifted and jogged: why am I am still a tubby? 

I have a theory: its not that I don't workout hard enough - my body just won't cooperate.  Way back 9th grade, when we were training for COCC, all my buddies got buff, developed abs, etc etc, but from the entire team I can do the most pushups and jog the longest, still I developed the least.  Still a skinny little punk.  And then I gained weight at work.  Overtime + Fastfood = a whopping 20lbs with concentration on the cheek and tummy area.  I decided to go to the gym after I saw a photo of me with my neck and face looking like its one entity.  Also, there were burns on my thighs due to friction when walking.  So, at the gym I jog for 20 min, I complete all 3 sets 12 reps each, I workout MWF and some TTH I jog at Roxas blvd, still nothing or too little happens.  Our insturctor told me that I develop stamina and lose body fat, but what I want is to lose my cheek fat! I look like a damn siopao with nose!  Maybe that's why I got discouraged and just quit.  Because I know some people who just started working out but developed like a mofo.  I think its my metalobi…melatobi…mebato…nevermind. 

According to ME, my body is meant for a girl.  You know, I don't have boobies and a pussah (at least not yet) but what I meant was there are certain parts of my body which looks girly.  Take for instance my chicken legs.  If I shaved it and went hitch hiking, cars would definitely stop.  Also, my girly girly little hands.  My wife envies them, and girls back in highschool go gaga over my itsybitsy little fingers.  Brrr…just writing about it makes the hair at the back of my neck standup.  My arms too.  Just look at it and you'd win in court proving that I haven't lifted weights in my entire life.  On the other hand, my belly is very manly.  The only manly thing I got.  Plus my goatie and birdie.  My goatie is for masking my double chin, and my birdie, self explanatory.  You see, here's the thing: I look like KoolAid.  People agree with me on this.  One time I was at the back of an FX taxi and this girl in front of me whispered to her girlfriend "shucks ang payat ng legs…" then they giggled.  So I screamed "COULD YOU NOT BE MORE DISCREET?!!! YOU'RE HURTING PEOPLE'S FEELINGS HERE!!!"  Well, I screamed just in my head.  I'm not in denial or anything, I know they're telling the truth.  They're so insensitive.  They hurt me inside.  Ok.  I'll stop being a girl now.  Fuckin bitches.  If I had a buddy with me, I'd counter with "shucks and liit ng boobs…" and then we'd giggle like little girls.

This time I'll up the game.  I won't stop until I look like Arnold (Clavio) Shwar…Sylvester Stallone.  Plus I paid too much to just quit.  Before, we had a company gym and they shut it down because nobody else uses it.  It was just me and Joseph the dreaming Instructor.  He sleeps while I ran the treadmill.  That's how boring that gym was.  Also, from what I see, I am the second fittest man on the room, next to Joseph of course, and that makes it more dull.  Not this time! I feel and look fat standing side by side with this tall, handsome and macho…wait a minute…hey, I am not A GAY!  I am inspired with these guys and I am motivated!  I hope I still feel this way in a month or so.  Please pray to Papa Lord that I won't quit.  Please. 

So, I'll just update you, my faithful readers (yes, the both of you) with my (IF there ever will be) developments, and maybe I can confidently post nude photos of myself in striking poses hopefully in a few weeks or so.  It's just my third day and I feel buff already.  Thank you for bearing with me.