Touchdown

5 minutes before boarding time, still, I have this pain in my throat.  It’s that annoying sting that you get from trying not to cry.  I told them not to take me to the airport anymore, but I know they won’t listen to me.  I just hate goodbyes.  Who doesn’t?

I resigned from work early January 2008.  I told everybody that I’m already flying the next day after my resignation date, I just don’t want to be bothered from my three weeks vacation before I leave the Philippines.  I can already feel the tension at the office, and it was unbearable.  I need to get out with or without the separation pay.  My boss told me that my role was "needed" and so that’s why he can’t include my position on the list of redundant roles.  Bullshit.  He has a master plan and everybody can smell it.  Like it was his money I am taking.  Forget him.  Forget all about it.  I can’t have everything anyway, and I perfectly understood.  I still think it was a bullshit reason though.

I almost jumped up and down the first day of my unemployment.  I was free!  For about a month I had this awesome everyday routine:  Early morning walk to cartimar to buy Soy milk for Lean then we’ll watch cartoons the rest of the morning, go crazy with Eat Bulaga at noon, and just hang out with my baby boy until the wife comes home from work.  And oh yeah, I didn’t do any form of exercise and ate everything in sight.  I luuuurve being a lazy ass bum.

But in some days I felt like something is missing.  It was fun spending the whole day with my son and all but, believe it or not, I think miss work!  Not the actual work, but just being physically at work.  I miss my early morning Milo at the desk, waiting for 11:15am so we can have lunch and the hot tea afterwards, the listahan at 3pm for merienda, and the long long wait for the 6pm school bell.  I miss clowning around the office and getting p-p-p-paid.  And of couse, I miss my girls.  Hanging around with JM and Ms. D was part of my daily routine for 3 years. 

As the days went by, aware that my flight is just around the corner, I put a little more effort in spending quality time with my family.  At day time, I did everything with Lean on my side and I made sure that all three of us get to cuddle at night.  Sigh, this only made it harder for me to leave.  I haven’t been away from my family for more than a week, so you must understand what I am going through.  This decision was hard.  But it was the best one.

And for a second I doubted that.  But I snapped back to reality and realized I just can’t max out my credit card.  Oh well. 

And then, D day came.

Going to the airport, the traffic was unbelievable.  We were on the same spot for about 20 min, and it was only 5am.  For the first time, I was happy about traffic.  No one was in the mood for a sad goodbye.  Everybody was just pissed and I liked it.  I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, but I knew that very soon I’m going to break it.

And brake that promise I did.  It was like somebody pushed a button the moment I stepped out of the van.  I walked to one corner carrying Lean  and I couldn’t stop crying.  And just like that, everyone went crying too.  Everything was alright and I was tearless for days just before this one.  The last time I remember crying about the whole thing was this one weekend morning.  Trini and I woke up before Lean.  We were talking about some stuff, about the furniture we’ll be leaving, who to give the appliances to, money matters, etc.  Then, she started counting down the days.  I suddenly became emotional when I looked down on my sleeping boy.  I realized that I won’t get to see this little fellow for months.  

A friend told me once that he hated airports.  It was just so full of emotions he said, and he can’t stand "drama".  The other side of the airport tells a different story though, and I hate that we’re on the side of farewells.  After a few moments in the corner crying, I finally kissed my wife and son goodbye.  I gave my parents, tom and cousins my hugs and kisses as well, then dragged myself inside departure area.  I said I wouldn’t look back but I, being stupid, looked back and cried harder.  I would’ve ran back but I wouldn’t want it to look like a scene from a movie, a corny one that is.  It had enough drama already.  God, imagine the scene I would’ve made if I did that.  I would’ve been funny, for them at least.  And I’ll be labeled drama king for the rest of my life! 

After being airborne for 9 hours, mostly listening to TAFKAP on my sanitized headset, I arrived in Sydney.  I spent some time talking with my seatmate who, besides smelling like an ashtray, was alright.  He told me that he too experienced "harassment" from airport police.  My share of the experience was in 2005 on my first visit in Melbourne.  Right past baggage counter, I was "randomly" selected by an officer and he asked me a few questions.  I was abit plump back then, huge eye bags from no sleep, plus my thick thick goatie.  In short, I could pass for your friendly neighborhood terrorist…from the Philippines.  And we’re extra hot on airport police aroooound the globe.  The police fellow was polite though, but he was scary at the same time.  And guess what?  I was also "randomly" picked going back to the Philippines.  Note to self: No goatie, put cucumber on eyes before landing on foreign country.  Anyways, back to this guy’s experience.  Still on NAIA, a caucasian police woman asked, politely I hope, for his passport.  And a smile instantly lit her face upon seeing a passport of a New Zealand citizen.  Yeah yeah, call me a prick, but I would’ve suspected him too.  The dude dressed up like he’s just going to the market or something.  But, he was aware of how he looked and that was mainly why he was picked by the airport police, he said.  By the way, he told me that he wasn’t planning to talk to me had I not started the conversation - in Filipino, he thought I was from the middle east.  And no, I don’t have a goatie anymore.

After that stop in Sydney, we arrived in Melbourne almost midnight Australian time.  The moment I stepped out of the airport, I said to myself "I can’t believe it, I will be staying in this place in quite a while.  No more noon time shows, no more MMDA, no more Mega Mall, no more sisig!  Oh my, I miss Filipino food already."  My cousins picked me up at the airport, and on the way home they were happily poking me because, just like me, they can’t believe I’m here too.  We arrived at their place at almost 1am already and I was a bit hungry.  I went to the kitchen and saw something.  That something welcomed me in this country and assured me that there are no boundaries anymore, you can feel or be at home even if you’re miles away from it.  My cousin picked up that something and asked me "Hey Kuya, you want me to heat up this tocino?"