Cousins

I hate my cousins.  They’ve bullied me ever since we were little kids, and arriving in Australia, the bullying hasn’t stopped.  I hated them so much for constantly picking on me that at one point I wanted to go back to the Philippines!  I feel like a total moron whenever I’m around them because they make it a point that I look like one.  They make fun of me in front of their friends, they embarrass me in public, and they make sure I receive at least of 3 punches whenever I am within reach. 

 

Ever since I started work, I stayed with my Kuya Anjelo, his wife Ate Joanne and their dog Charlie at their awesome suburban home in SE Melbourne.  I was there for about a month and it was so stressful living with them that it was a motivation for me to find my own place right away! 

 

Anjelo is a control freak.  He loves to take control of everything and everybody because he wants things done his way.  After work, he tells me exactly which trains to catch and if I went before or ahead of him, he’ll get pissed.  He tells me what stuff I should buy and he even chooses my breakfast cereal!  And his plans, oh his plans.  His plan has to be done exactly how he wants it whatever the situation may be.  We still went, according to plan, to this party even though I was sick from food poisoning.  And when Kuya Ron, the eldest cousin, is around, they tag team to wrestle my face.  In their eyes, I am still the little boy they bullied before in the Philippines, and as they tell me, they’re just making up for lost time. 

 

His wife, Ate Joanne is a very opinionated person.  She speaks her mind and has no pretensions whatsoever.  Actually they both are, only I’m not used to women being like that.  For Kuya Anjelo, I always had a comeback whenever we have our little arguments, but I can’t seem to do that with Ate Joanne, maybe because of chivalry? …or maybe because I am afraid of her?  Yes, I think it’s more of that.  I am terrified whenever she talks to me.  I know that she thinks I’m a dumbass because every time she talks to me, it’s like somebody presses this button which puts me on stuttering idiot mode.  I swear I can’t have a normal conversation with her without looking like an ass.  It’s so bad I just wanna run away whenever I see that she’s about to talk to me. 

 

Together, they’re a total riot.  They have these constant arguments everywhere and in front of anybody.  They won’t stop until one has conceded and it takes a while before one does.  They are so loud and they’re not even fighting yet.  I saw them fight once, and it was more peaceful.  I also hate it when they drag me around to meet up with their friends.  It’s just that sometimes, especially on weekends, I have this mood that I just wanna lay back and stay at home.  I don’t enjoy anything as much as just being lazy around the house with my wife and son during weekends.

 

Maybe it’s because I have lived the past 5 years of my life independently and I am no longer used to people controlling my life, other than Trini of course.  And living with other people stresses me out, and so I have a tendency to make an ass of myself.  Also, I think that ever since I arrived here I’ve taken myself way too seriously for constantly trying to look “cool”.  Because back home, I am happy that people embarrass me, or try to embarrass me because I love looking like an idiot in front of people.  Trini and my close friends can attest to this because they’re embarrassed that I embarrass myself in public. 

 

But you know what?  That control freak of a cousin?  He guided me all the way from finding a job to finding an apartment.  He woke up with me on lazy Saturday mornings just to inspect houses that turn out to be shit.  That evil cousin made sure that I get to the right train so Ate Joanne can pick us up together so I won’t have to walk 25 mins from the station to their house.  He helped me buy the furniture and everything else and he made sure I always get the best deals.  He drove me around just so we can pick up the washing machine Kuya Ron gave me and also to pick up Lean’s bed from my Uncle’s house, I had to pay more than a hundred bucks if I had those things delivered.  He let me overuse his free VOIP so I can talk to my wife and my son every single night.  That uptight planner helped me arrange for everything just before they left for a trip overseas because he’s worried nobody else can help me with them.  The Kuyas took me out to the Friday nights I will never forget (nothing sleazy or illegal kids, just memorable parties), and took me to my first AFL game ever!  (Carn the Hawks!)  And as for his opinionated wife, she spoilt me when I was staying at their place by buying all the ice cream I can shove in my face and buying me my favoritest chocolate in the world, Twix!  She also cooked all these yummy noodles, especially the Bolognese, which she even taught me how to cook.  She sometimes prepares my lunch to bring to work and even puts in yogurt for desert, so I’ll have a healthy tummy!  Ate Joanne even bought me a supply of snacks so I won’t get hungry in the office.  And together, they can be the sweetest couple ever.  They have what every marriage should have, constant communication.  They’ve been together for ages and still they talk about anything and everything.  Yeah, they love to argue, and when they do, they argue like cute little brats.  They bite, they punch, and they hug each other a lot.  They’re very smart and funny people and I have learned a lot from them.  And as for that eldest cousin who’ve always threatened me with a slap of his backhand?  He gave me almost half of his dresser and his good as new appliances to help me settle in.  We always have lunch together and catch up since he works only a couple of buildings away from me.  He always made sure he passes to me a bit of his knowledge in investing, and also gives me tons of advice.  There are two more cousins by the way, the eldest girl, Ate Rhobelle is in London fulfilling her dreams of working and travelling Europe everyday, and the youngest of the siblings, Marienne (aka Yenny) who, although I don’t get to see often, never lets a day pass without saying hi and asking how I am doing.  She’s the sweetest of them all.

 

Every single one of them has a huge contribution for what I have right now.  I couldn’t have done anything without their help and making the Kuyas happy through all the bullying is the least I can do.  There are times I feel like an old 27-year-old and when I’m with them, it kinda feels good to be treated like a bunso again.  This has been the longest time I’ve spent with older blokes in a while, since I don’t get to see Tom very often.  I feel like an ass because I didn’t appreciate them at first. 

Kuyas will be kuyas, they can be dickheads but they’re the dicks who looks after my ass.  Yes, that sounded gay.

12/12

After more than 5 hours of lost work time, a million blisters in my feet (from running with my leather shoes) just to catch inspection times and about 20 houses checked out (about 80% is shit) I now have my own apartment.  Funny thing is, I wouldn’t have been approved if not for a miscommunication!

 

This was the plan, look for a place near shops, near relatives and near the train station.  I can’t believe I got all three for the price of one.  This renting crisis in Australia was a totally different experience.  In every inspection we’ve been through there was about an average of 8 competitions, each with their own advantage.  Almost all the applicants are citizens, some single or young couples and most of them already have renting history.  I am nowhere near those advantages, have only been in the country a mere 2 months, just started working, a young family (apparently, landlords prefer tenants with pets over young families with small children) and I am stinky from running to catch the inspection time.  This was worse than looking for a job!  The market was so bad that agencies had to schedule inspections on a weekday just to prevent a bulk load of applications.  Thank God my senior, Lars, is also a migrant.  He said he’s been through the same pains of house hunting since moving in from Sweden, so he allows me to go undertime. 

 

If I ever saw the guy who created this website, I will seriously make love to him.  Only he’s the brother of my cousin’s friend and he’ll probably tell his brother about it and he’ll freak out and tell my cousin about it who’ll be laughing mad and then tell…anyways, I just had to check www.realestate.com.au and do an advanced search with my preferred suburbs, number of rooms, price range and best thing is I can look at the available properties on a map!  So I’ll just pick those near the fucking train station!  And the bestest thing is it has…PICTURES!  OF THE HOUSE!  So I don’t have to go inspect houses with ugly pictures!  Also take note, don’t trust a property with no photos of the interiors, chances are its FUG-LY.  But if you’re as desperate as I was, you’d still go and check it out early in a cold Saturday morning and just hope for the best and expect the worst.  We’ve seen it all.  We’ve seen old gloomy houses, weird ones with the washing machine under the kitchen sink, no door on the bathroom (which is located near the living room), houses with no neighbours, houses with too many neighbours, etcetera etcetera and then…I ran into this spacious 2 bedroom 1^st floor apartment, freshly painted, gas heating and with cooling system, 1 parking space, 5 min walk to shops and train station, and best of all it bears the perfect number of all time not just once, but twice in its address - Unit 12, Street no. 12 of a south eastern suburb in Melbourne. 

 

I was the first one to arrive at the property.  I sat on the mailbox and weirdly enough, my ass felt at home.  The agent came and we inspected the apartment along with 6 other applicants.  So here’s the part about the miscommunication.  The agent, Siobhan D’Ath (See-yob…I have no clue how to pronounce it either), called me up the next day and asked if I’d like to proceed with my application so she can forward my papers right away.  I said yes bitch, I thought you’d never ask.  So, after a few hours, Siobhan called back and asked me about the miscommunication.  During the inspection, she asked me if I was the only one applying for the property and I said yes, I was applying by myself.  She was wondering why I’ve included an adult and a child in my application form, and although every adult applying SHOULD fill out the application form, technically I’m applying alone since my family is not in the country yet, which makes me technically a single tenant!  Whoohoo!  I’m not sure if this really was a problem, but the point is Siobhan wouldn’t have forwarded my application if she knew right away that we are a young family with a destructive little boy!  So yeah, we got approved because the landlord has a heart unlike those snob agents.

 

I was itching to spend my first ever $alary on stuff for the new apartment.  Well, I didn’t have that much left because I had to pay for a bond and 1 month rent and for Trini and Lean’s plane ticket but I still had enough to buy some shit.  A great thing about the western world is its consumerism.  Shops are virtually giving away stuff with interest free payment plans.  Like my whole house furniture package, I got it at 0% interest, nothing to pay until 2010!  And my marked down fridge again 0% interest and 22 months to pay!  I am already in debt and I love it!

 

So far, the apartment is almost complete.  Only thing that’s missing is my family whom I’ll share this humble abode with.  Best purchase so far?  The Tefal non stick 32cm frying pan!  It’s kickass since I am learning how to cook.  So far, I’ve made the best Filipino pork steak in the entire universe, and the mashiest mashed potatoes evarrr!  I’ve also cooked Japanese, Spanish and Spicy tuna fried rice, Beef stir fry with veggies, roast potatoes, chicken schnitzel, parmesan chicken, lamb and porterhouse steak, and my master piece, breaded fried chicken.  Since living alone for almost a month now, cooking is the reason why I’m excited to go home!  Shit, its 12:19 am right now and I wanna stop blogging and cook!  Also, one of my favourite shows at the moment is Ramsay’s Kitchen nightmares and Hell’s Kitchen.  Every single time I am cooking I hear Chef Ramsay’s voice in my head, “bullocks, that is absolute dog shit!”

 Hopefully I’ll post some of my cooking masterpieces in my posts to come and some pics of the apartment.

Snoop-Jobby-Job

My first ever work experience outside of the Philippines was inside my cousin’s backyard.  I helped him fix their garden and we did a pretty good job, I think.  Because we had to do everything ourselves, I asked my cousin if there is no cheap labour in Australia.  He told me that I was his cheap labour – I was his Mexican.  I seriously need to tone down my racial jokes, because the day might come that I would be on the receiving end, and surely I won’t like it.  So I apologize, peace out mah nigg@s! 

 

First week in Australia, my face was stuck to www.seek.com.au.  I think I’ve submitted more than 50 applications and luckily some actually had replied.  Well, less than half did, but I was expecting no one would, so I still beat my expectations!  But being Mr. Panic Face, I was already applying for jobs in Australia since November 2007 while still in the Philippines.  I have used company time for looking for another job and have used company phone for phone interviews.  It’s a good thing that I didn’t get an offer right away or else I would have spent a quiet fireworks-free Australian New Year.  Some of the replies I got have arranged for us to meet up, and it pleases my relatives that I have stuff already lined up once I arrive Australia.  The market was good, and my timing was great!  And this is all brought to you by the word “frank”.

 

The first workday after I’ve submitted my resume online over the weekend, I was on the phone all day.  Agents were calling and asking if I want their representation.  I was humbled by the experience because I honestly thought my applications won’t be noticed at all.  The market was just so good I was even asked to sign up for a Sys Admin job on the spot!  But I was kind of suspicious why that tracking company was so eager to hire me right away.  They even offered a higher salary than my asking price!  If it wasn’t for my cousin’s advice I now would’ve been working at, as they have put it, an Australian version of Tondo. 

 

Going to my 3 interviews (I got to schedule them all on one day! Sweet!) I nearly threw up because of my cousin’s driving.  They’ve been living in Australia for more than 20 years now and it’s great to know that there’s a still a hint if Pinoy in him.  He’s like a Jeepney driver with diarrhoea on a 5pm Baclaran day.  So anyways, going to my first interview after five years, I was nervous like a goat around Ilokanos drinking gin.  (Maybe I should stop now with the analogies?  Yes?) I forgot lines from my ready made answers, I was sweating all over, and I even let out a few Filipino words like “ano…” and “opo”.  But I think I still appeared confident enough of what I was talking about that I got a 2^nd interview from this midsize software company. 

 

Well, I got through that 2^nd technically inclined interview enough that I am now working for them and currently using their laptop to do my long overdue blog about what’s happening with me down under.  So, what really is happening you ask?

 

I’m having a huge case of déjàvu.  This is exactly what I’ve been through when I first left home after the summer of ‘97 - it’s like college all over again!  A promdi boy going to the big city with his confidence level on a high knowing that he was “cool” and the city boys can kiss his ass.  But once he stepped in, the boy saw how big the arena really was and realized that there’re of people way “cooler” than he is.  He tried so hard blending in, but failed most of the time and sometimes just looked stupid in doing so.  His confidence went low and he realized he wasn’t so special after all.  And he also realized that he should stop at once from speaking in the third person. 

 

My first weeks in Manila, I got to hang around with Tom’s frat brothers.  The moment he introduced me to them I was immediately intimidated.  I thought that they were all so cool and I was just in awe every time I was around them.  It was like being at the backstage of a rock concert where everyone you pass by seems to be awesome.  The same thing went at school.  I tried to look for the same kind of friends I had back in high school, but all I saw was those coño manileño dickheads.  I was so pressured to adjust that I even tried to change everything about myself just so I can blend in.  I didn’t wanna be that punk kid from high school anymore, instead I wanna be like those coño manileños and have the same accent and the same arrogance that they had.  Eventually I felt uncomfortable about the whole thing and at the end of the day I’d just run back to my old high school buddies so I can feel accepted for who I really am.  But now, who the hell do I run to? 

 

It’s been 2 months now since I started working, and I cannot truly say I have already settled in at my new workplace.  I guess it shows whenever I look around my desk.  I have not yet put photos of my family there and I don’t keep it clean.  Back in the Philippines, you can see from a mile away where my desk was because it reflects my personality and at the moment I have not yet felt that same comfort. 

 

Before going abroad, Trini asked me if I was not afraid about starting a new job.  She told me that I was already good where I was, I have tons of friends in the office, I was comfortable and people actually love me there.  She said that these might not happen once I start working in Australia and asked if I was I not afraid of that.  My loving wife knows me all too well and I did not realize that it might actually happen until I did start to work.  At the start, my confidence level was high.  I tried blending in and running up to people, but again, I was just awe stricken with the Aussies.  I was intimidated again because they all seem so smart and funny, which I think I can be, but not in their language.  Hell, I am charming in Filipino!  I didn’t realize how hard it is to tell a funny story in English!  I can definitely do it in writing, but I cannot do a backspace or a shift-F7 in a conversation now can I?  So, afraid that I’ll just ruin a joke, I lose confidence, stand back, smile, and nod during conversations and be the stereo-type weird foreign dude.  Sigh.  I am a bit depressed because I am no longer the office clown.  And guess who is?  The guy sitting right next to me.  Thanks for rubbing it in.  By the way, I am the only Filipino out of the 180 something employees. 

 

But I firmly believe that history will repeat itself and I can one day find my comfort zone somewhere around the offices of Melbourne (or maybe, nay, hopefully inside my current workplace).  Only then can I be comfortable at my desk again and put tons of pictures of my family everywhere and keep it sparkling clean while cracking racial jokes around my Aussie friends.  Oh well, at least I have awareness of the problem, thus my dilemma is curable.  It’s not that I am not trying to do anything about it.  Everyday I make it a point that I talk to somebody and sometimes try to join people’s slang and accent filled group conversations and not just nod and smile, but say complex things like “Yeah” or “Uh-huh”.  Seriously, I see this as a challenge because from my experiences, for instance moving to different apartments in Manila, I make sure that I make friends everywhere we go.  I have not failed then, why should I fail now?  I’ve also signed up in lots of programs and clubs so I am exposed to meeting new people.  I will catch up, I am sure of that, but it may take a little time.

 

To end this entry, I will say one of the most serious things I will ever say in this entire blog spot or maybe, in my entire life.  I wish I was Fez.  Nobody ever understands what the fuck he’s talking about, but the crowd (even though they’re canned) still loves him.  He’s still a bit weird but what’s wrong with that?  At least he’s not trying hard to be like the other guys.  And just being himself makes him more interesting, more accepted.  After 10 years in the show he still is the weird foreign dude, and I’d like to be THAT weird foreign dude IF I too am hitting it with Jackie!  I wish I also had that accent.  And that lisp.  Maybe I should try talking like that at work, then people will love me.  They will love me.  I WILL MAKE THEM LOVE ME.

The "F" word

I have not been totally honest.  I went to Australia 3 months ahead of my family not because we planned it that way but because something triggered me to do that.  I guess I can talk about it now because, so far, everything is going well.  Instead of looking at that something as a tactless remark from a relative, it was actually a blessing in disguise!

 

Months before I left, I have been in constant contact with my relatives in Australia.  We’ve been working out how things are going to be once we arrive and one of the plans was that we live with them first and eventually move out once I get a job and can afford rent.  They’ve setup a room for us in their suburban home and they even put our own TV and a desktop computer that we can use.  They’re very very supportive relatives indeed.  But one time, as my Tito and I were talking on the phone, he told me that something.  Call me sensitive but I cannot believe that I heard this from my Uncle who is the eldest brother of my mom - a first degree relative.  It went something like this:

 

“I’ll be frank with you Rex as I want you to be with me.  You and your family cannot stay long in our house…I’ll give you six months and if things don’t go well, we’ll figure something out. ”

 

We haven’t even stepped on the plane to get to Australia and it sounded like he’s already telling us to get out of their house!  But as I’ve mentioned, it was a blessing and I cannot thank him enough for the motivation.  My uncle explained further that he is just avoiding circumstances that may lead to family feud, and I think I understood what he means.  He knows that I know how crazy it can get when different families live under one roof.  He is right, and I was actually worried about getting into that situation as mentioned on this post.  I was triggered to leave for Australia in January where the market for IT jobs is still good (details are on another post) and got an apartment on the better parts of the housing crisis! (again, details are on another post).  The timing was just so great, and I can’t believe how things got into place just because of the “F” word.  Thanks Frankie, I owe you one!

 

Speaking of timing, I arrived in Australia at the peak of summer time and the Aussie girls barely wore anything.  How I love them design!  Call me a sleazebag but at least now I’m being honest!