Safely courteous

Living in Australia for nearly 3 years now, I have observed that Filipino courtesy is flawed.  I think that is why the English language often discourages courtesy and is usually seen here as “patronising”. 

I was brought up to make sure “po” and “opo” is used when talking to elders, and that using kinship titles such as “kuya”, “ate”, “tito” and “tita” is a must.  We use these titles with everyone, not exclusive to relatives but to anyone who is older.   And that is my biggest worry, what do you do if you are unsure about one’s age?  (for some reason, that sentence felt like a voice over from sex and the city.  I’m soooo a Carrie!  A slut!)  Either way, you are bound to offend someone.  If you decide to be courteous and use “opo”, it may offend someone and tell you they are not THAT old.  If you do not, you may be labelled bastos or walang modo! 

And do you know what happens when you call a supposedly “Ate” a “Tita”?  You will be hated for life. 

This actually happened to Trini and me.  There is this Filipino family that’s been invited to the same party as we were for almost 3 times already.  In these parties, we’ve sat on the same table; we’ve exchanged pleasantries and even talked about our family back home.  We’ve even been on the same photo for chrissakes!  So, what happened to offend them so much that they ignore us whenever we see each other in the market every week?  Trini used “opo” talking to this lady.  Everybody who knew the lady was giggling when they heard it and the husband even joked about his wife’s age.  What an ass.  And maybe because it’s just embedded in our system to be courteous to elders, in this case an assumed elder, that Trini and I kept saying “po” and “opo” when speaking to her!  So yeah, she hates us. 

In here, as long as you don’t call everybody “Dude”, you shouldn’t be worried about anything.  Also, “Mate” is unisex so it’s a very safe word.  Yeah, I think the Conversational Authority in Modern Enlish Language or CAMEL (I just made this up) have thought about this, so they just discourage courtesy in everyday conversation in order to be safe.  Calling people by their first name is also widely observed here, so it’s not impolite if I call our company CEO “John”.  Unlike in the Philippines, we never ever call him “Sir”.

And do you know what happens when you call a supposedly “Ma’am” a “Sir”.  You will be hated for life.  But you might get kicked in the balls first.  And then they hate you for life.